5 things a guy never wants to hear in bed

We have good days, bad days and ugly days. It’s really impossible to bring your A-game to every single romp session. That being said, sometimes some people say things that can hurt us. So ladies, if you want your man to be happy, never say these horrible things to them during, coitus:

An ex’s name

There’s nothing more demeaning than hearing another chef’s name while you’ve been toiling away in the kitchen. Ladies, do make sure you don’t scream out another guy’s name while bumping uglies. If you’ve trouble remembering names, just stick to the impossible-to-get wrong ‘Oh God’.

Is it in?

Most guys – thanks to porn – believe that they’re not too big in the penis department. It has given every guy the impression that a man can only give sexual pleasure if he is come equipped with a penis that looks like a third limb. Add to that a comment as demoralising as this and it’s enough to crush a guy’s self-confidence for life.  

 Can we try that position from __________(insert generic magazine’s name)

Okay, for some reason magazines of all ilk seem to believe that we’re all double-jointed balloons, as they bombard us with positions that are hard enough to get into, forget actually enjoying them. Getting and maintaining an erection is hard enough for most guys without having to stand on one leg while staying aroused. So ladies, stick to the basics and please don’t expect your guys to be yogic acrobats.

Is that it?

Okay, okay we’ve been told a million times that women get multiple orgasms but sometimes it’s not about quantity but quality. While we have no issues to try and extend the period we spend in bed including foreplay, there’s nothing more demoralising for a guy than to let him think he suffers from premature ejaculation. Ladies, he’s working hard to please you, give him a reward, not a slap!

Where’s our relationship going?

While men are not averse to having the talk, the last thing they want to hear during sex is what the future holds. Not only does it suggest the lady in question doesn’t have her mind on the task, but it’s enough to make your man lose his erection. There’s a time and place for the talk, it’s just not in the bedroom during coitus!